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When I came of age in the 1990s, the government gave the impression that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by informing young women that no goal was out of reach. Splashy, lurid pink ads convinced me that structural and social impediments would crumble before my self-confidence.

Scholars have since refuted the belief that someone can fix their lives through optimistic thoughts. An author, in his book Selfie, unpacks how the free-market ideology of equal opportunities fuels much of the self-improvement movement.

However, a portion of my mind remains convinced that through diligent effort and create a sturdy vision board, I ought to achieve my wildest dreams: the sole barrier to my fate rests on my shoulders. What is the path to a harmonious middle ground, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Answer Resides in Modesty

The solution, per an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, is humility. Augustine noted that humility served as the base of every other moral quality, and that for those pursuing divinity “the initial step requires modesty; the following, modesty; the last, lowliness”.

Being an ex-Catholic like me, the concept of meekness can evoke a range of negative emotions. I grew up at a time in religious history when worrying about appearance constituted the sin of vanity; physical attraction was frowned upon beyond reproduction; and even pondering solo sex could lead to punishment.

It’s unlikely that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but throughout much of my life, I conflated “humility” with shame.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Personal Disgust

Being humble, according to doctor Ravi Chandra, is not about hating oneself. A person with balanced humility takes pride in their abilities and successes while acknowledging that learning never ends. He describes various types of meekness: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; meekness about what one knows; modesty in abilities; meekness in insight; modesty in the face of wonder; and meekness during hardship.

Studies in psychology has also identified a range of benefits coming from open-mindedness, encompassing greater resilience, patience and connection.

Meekness in Action

Through my profession in spiritual support roles with elderly residents, I presently consider meekness as the practice of being present to the other. Modesty is an act of re-grounding: returning, step by step, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who tell me the same five anecdotes drawn from their experiences, time after time, whenever we meet. In place of monitoring time, I try to listen. I try to stay curious. What can I learn from this individual and the narratives they cherish amidst so much loss?

Creative Quietude

I try to live with the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith called “creative quietude”. Thinkers from Taoism urge individuals to quiet the ego and reside in sync with the universe’s rhythm.

This might be especially relevant as humans seek to repair the damage our species has done on the environment. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs explains that practicing humility helps us rediscover “the animal inside, the creature that quakes at what twitches beyond the campfire light". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of not-knowing, allows us to remember people are components of an expansive system.

The Beauty of Meekness

There is a barrenness and hopelessness that comes with assuming no limits exist: success – if it involves becoming wealthy, reducing size, or winning the presidential race – transforms into the single permissible result. Modesty enables elegance and defeat. I practice modesty, connected to the soil, implying the essentials are available to flourish.